This picture is from the night we met. He asked me to marry him that very night. We did not get married that night, however. We waited a few months and said our " I dos" on June 23rd. Those crazy kids had no idea all the things that would unfold during the next:
27 Years
324 months
9,855 days
236,520 hours
14,191,200 minutes!
We have had 4 children, 1 son-in-law and a few dogs and several goldfish, all that to say we have spent a lot of our "hours" cleaning up messes. We have changed endless diapers, wiped tears, laughed until we cried and cried until we laughed. We have spent our days playing with kids, watching them accomplish all kinds of things, and even seeing one of them get married. We have spent some of our hours at the funeral home paying our respects to friends and love ones. We have also buried parents and grandparents. Those hours we had to carry each other. We have taken our kids to about 30 states and several countries. The adventures from those trips will be enjoyed forever! Every single minute, hour and day!
Thinking about all the fun we have had over the years...and the hard days made me think of all the newlyweds. The we are about to get married ones and the we have been married for a couple of year ones. I wanted to pass on a little advice to help you along. Honestly, for me too because we can always be learning.
You can huff and puff all you want. I can promise you he will not get it. He is not wired like you. Just tell him what the problem is and say it nicely. Someday he will have to tell you something you may not like and a nice tone helps.
We lived out of town the first few years. My husband would say the dumbest things. Things like-are you wearing that? In the wrong tone. At first I would get my feelings hurt. Then I started helping a guy out. I would say, Wrong answer. Would you like to try again? Of course he is a man and I had to help him out the first time. I said to him, "Instead of saying are you going to wear that and using that tone, which instantly hurts my feelings. How about you saying, You are wearing a dress? I didn't know this thing was so dressy. I was going to wear shorts." He liked me saying wrong answer and it solved a lot of hurt feelings on my part. Even now, occasionally I will say, Wrong answer.
Once the kiddos came along we decided we would make all decisions together and stick to it. Example, Can I go to Sally's? While harmless we started early and still stick to it. There is no well, mom said its ok with her.... There is no playing the parents. The question they should always ask is do either of you mind if I go to Sally's house? Or even Mom, can I go to Sally's and do I need to ask Dad too? I usually make those decisions day to day. Sally's house is easy, questions like can I go to Six Flags with friends we need to discuss as a couple.
This is such a hard one, but it has really worked for us and our children. There will be times when you must punish your child. Perhaps you want to use time out or take away things or even spank. Those things you have to decide early and both be on board. But, we take it one step further. I can't change his punishments and he can't change mine. Now, there have been times one of us went a little crazy. Maybe it was a grounding that was too long or a device taken away too long. We can discuss in private and asked the other to change a punishment. Then whoever punished the child can go back to them and change it. You know the old, I thought about it and decided perhaps I overacted. I am going to just ground for 1 week. (This also stops all the -Mom, can you talk to Dad....or vice versa. They know we don't do that!)
You need to continue to date your spouse. Go out to eat. Go for a walk, anything. Just continue to go out together without kids and without other people. Just the two of you! And go away for the weekend any chance you get! I remember when we were first married we saw this older couple dining at a table next to us. They never spoke to each other and this was before cell phones. It made me so sad. I said, I never want that to be us!! So, we not only go out. We talk. It's ok if you have to make them put down the phones. Put down yours. Talk!!
These are the things we have used to help us stay on track all these years. We added huge doses of trust and love at first sight!! Don't get me wrong. We get aggravated at each other. We are both stubborn to a fault. We both probably wanted to throw the towel in several times. But, we have a deal...whoever leaves first had to take all the kids. So, we are in it forever. Stubborn pays off sometimes. I would love to hear how you and yours make it work. What are ways you keep your marriage on the right track? Do you do little things for each other? Little things like bringing coffee to each other?
Here is a current picture of us on one of our weekends away together.
Life is made better when you walk it together!
Have a Great Day!
Lisa B
